A CODE OF CONDUCT FOR TEACHERS

Teachers having fun in Brazil

A new code of conduct for teachers comes into life next month. The code was elaborated by the General Teaching Council for England (and thanks God not Brazil!).

The old one was not bad at all. Let's have a look at some more entertaining parts of it and imagine we're in England.

2.1 General
"...Ambiguous or ambivalent comment and conduct, in particular, should be avoided."

Gosh! Don't we all interpret what we hear through our personal filter? Imagine your student finishing their fruit after the break. Eating time is over; having a snack in the classroom isn't welcome. "Eat you banana" you order. Well, watch your mouth, what a nasty thing to say!

2.2 Physical Contact
"...Touching pupils, including well-intentioned informal and formal gestures such as putting a hand on the shoulder or arm, can, if repeated regularly, lead to questions being raised."

Oh, dear... I read in magazine that human touch performs miracles, makes us feel relaxed, closer to people around which decreases our stress level, newborns develop better being touched... Careful. It doesn't work with students. They are a different species. The sex obsessed one.

Thanks God they let teachers touch their students in few cases. For example when a pupil wants to jump from the window or when they cry - but only if it's a kid (crying adult is out of rich!) and also be careful here because : "...Particular care must be taken in instances, which involve the same pupil over a period of time..." Sorry little boy, you can cry only once in my classroom...

2.3 Private meetings
"Private meetings, by their very nature, provide opportunities for pupils to make malicious allegations..."

Run Forrest! Ruuuun! Whenever student wants to clarify a doubt after the lesson - run for your life!
Ana, sorry, we can not be friends any longer as you are my student. Don't come to my place anymore, unless you quit studying...

2.6 Comments and Discussions with Pupils
"...Employees must avoid comments to or about pupils which could be taken to have sexual overtones..."

Editors of course books - PLEASE, no more "How old are you?", "Are you married?", or "What's the best place for the first date?" questions.

What about new code of conduct? Well, it requires teachers to uphold 'public trust' in their profession outside school. No more partying, no more drinking, no more shagging. It's immoral. After all, tutors need to give an example.

I was reading it and I felt a great relief. I live in Brazil where people touch each other all the time during a simple "How are things?" conversation.